In between booze, butts and boredom I chase the Tiger with my loving muse Bambubhai Batliwala

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Flaky

So here’s the list of movies I have seen so far:

Caligula

The Unfaithful

Walk on the Moon

One Crazy Summer

Romancing the Stone

Boogie Nights

Fast Forward

Breakin

V for Vendetta

Irreversible

Am I Happy?

An insane question that ticks steadily in my head as I watch Bambubhaibatliwala swig another can and squeeze life’s joys to its utmost till there aren’t any sediments left.

Bizarrely envious I watch as a walk around the block turns to a new discovery that has brought a smile of bliss.

A new fish shop selling exotic aqua plants; a neighbour hailing from the same village; a newly-found acquaintance who is now new best friend as they share the same taste in music, cars; plants that are in bloom with vibrant flowers; water tankers getting replaced by water from underground; etc etc…and this list could never end.

When did I stop being pleasured at such inane incidences? When did these incidences become inane?

Does this glib self contentment masquerade selfishness or is it what i see, the joy of living in a state of innocence?

Growing old is not about losing a job as one heads to retirement or having other people travel the world while you surf the world on the internet. Not for him.

For him, growing old is a few strands of pepper at the temple and a beer belly that turns rapidly into a barge and deflates into a raft post endless graveyard shifts.

Swigs of beer and endless informed opinions (surprising isn’t it but this wonder is no gasbag) about everything under the sun and a quick sense of humor.

Am I happy is not an existential question that Bambubhaibatliwala has to grapple with.

And so may this kooky star of the wild utopian idyllism continue….

Disconnect

Unable to connect the dots and when I do the picture I connect is vastly different from what it is supposed to be. ennui…

what if

probably the two most dangerous words in the english vocabulary..

what if?!

is there anyone who doesn’t go through this…

what if i had stayed on

what if i move out

what if i respond

what if i call

what if i had stayed back

what if i had stuck around

what if i had spoken out

what if ….

relationships

jobs

life

money

environment

what if is perhaps the only WORDS that reaches the farthest, farther than a smile!!

 

Summer of discontent

rushing into a job offer or a relationship amounts to the same thing – DISASTER

somewhere down the line you end up with a ..uh, maybe i should have waited; maybe something better would have come along; uh, was i hasty?

and when these thoughts keep niggling maybe it is time to take a break and assess or maybe it is time to dig in and be the ostrich

now which is the better path depends on ?!!

 

 

???

puzzled.

what do you do when you get someone declaring unswerving love?

when you have a good working relationship going for you with allĀ  the understanding and respect that comes with being together for a long time filled with fun?

do you stay steady and trench on

or do you give way to temptation to try the untread path……………….

Delusional

Growing old all you have going for you is a head of grey hairs and memories. Time seems to make good memories dim and the bad ones psychedelic.

I find myself remembering some rather unpleasant instances in a whole new light where they aren’t monochrome anymore, neither bad nor good. I seem them in a rainbow hue with all forms of emotions getting played as the scenes roll along. People take on new textures I never attributed to them while I take on a starker tone.

I have no complaints about where I am but as these scenes replay I ask myself why not instead of why me. So I seem to have grown up quite some since those woebegone days.

Still romantic and delusional too. I hope to feel a tinge of excitement as I pick up the phone and talk to that special one. I hope not to be jaded by too much intimacy and no mystery. I hope to remember that it is better to be friends than possessive lovers. As I move on to a new phase in life my memories no longer haunt me but give me pleasant company in times of solitude. Love comes in trove, and luck follows right behind.

Perhaps this is because I’m learning to love myself instead of rushing to love another……